My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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