I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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