I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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