didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize