Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
