I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
