Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
