Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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