Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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