I checked into jail on foursquare
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize