I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
