How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I could make wine with my vomit
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
