Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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