all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
