i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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