he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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