omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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