Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
