well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
