I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
