umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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