She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
