And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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