You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
