saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
