HIV tests are more positive than that guy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
