Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
