Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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