This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
