So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize