They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just googled if crying burns calories
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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