i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
