Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
