Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize