Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize