I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
