Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
