Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
