dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
