sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
