Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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