Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
