when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
