things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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