I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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