I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
