Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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