So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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