ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So here I am, sexting at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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