last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
