Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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