haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
