I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I met the friendliest cop last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
