i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
