there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
tell me about the eggs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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