just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
