1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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