my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize