So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
