Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
