Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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