Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
